oh god the rape fog is back!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
