I wanna passion pit in your ass
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
