meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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