Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
