Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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