Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
