captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize