I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
