Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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