that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
