I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
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Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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