I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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