Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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