All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
