is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
