I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
