I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
