you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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