I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
