he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
