guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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