I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
