hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
