i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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