I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
