i think my mom watched the whole time
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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