I wish I could teleport
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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