Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Farmville is her only friend.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
