I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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