sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
