just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
