im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
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Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
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Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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