i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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