I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
A bitchslap is in order.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
