To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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