he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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