Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
