Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
