Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
