man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize