omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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