I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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