Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
