I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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