Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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