she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
