It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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