She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
