For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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