I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
