Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
