That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
