based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Welp...herpes.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
