I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
