I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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