Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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