I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
