She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
even my farts smell like vagina
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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