my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
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You need Xanax blowdarts
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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