i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
