Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
