you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
