I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
