pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
