My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
