If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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