I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
