Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
