Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
